Because children are our most valuable resource
And we want to know how to keep them safe.

If your brother is sitting too close to you on the couch and you ask him to move but he stays where he is- and you tell your parent/babysitter are you tattling or reporting?

Answer: Tattling. Why? He is being annoying but not unsafe.

If your sister is jumping on the bed, and you ask her to stop, and she won’t listen and you tell your parent/caregiver/babysitter, are you tattling or reporting?

Answer: Reporting. Why? Because jumping on the bed is not safe and she could get hurt.

You are out with a friend, and they want to cross a busy street that you are not allowed to cross without an adult and you tell them to STOP and they threaten to do it anyway- are you tattling or reporting?

Answer: Reporting. Why? Because you are keeping your friend safe.

If you are in class, and your classmate is kicking the table, and you raise your hand to interrupt the teacher during a lesson, are you tattling or reporting?

Answer: Tattling.  Why? Because you can handle the situation yourself, and use your words to ask your friend to stop kicking the table.

If a classmate pulls your hair and you raise your hand to tell the teacher - are you tattling or reporting?

Answer: Reporting.  Because your friend gave you an unsafe touch and you have the right to keep yourself safe.

• Remind your kids, early and often, that reporting is always the safest and smartest choice when it comes to keeping themselves and others safe.
• Tell them they will not be in trouble for reporting. It is always the right thing to do – even if it feels scary to talk about.
• Encourage your kids to solve issues between themselves (and their friends) when appropriate. These are important life skills.
• Let your child know that if they cannot resolve a situation that they can come to you for help.
• Say to your children (of all ages) that if they ever feel threatened or unsafe in any type of situation they must go to a trusted adult for help.

Teaching your child their personal information is an essential life skill. There are many fun ways to teach them their personal information, but the emphasis must be on continuous practice. It takes approximately 2000 repetitions for a young child to remember new material and just a few months to forget it. Making a game out of learning their essential information helps them remember! Even our older elementary kids need a reminder – especially if you have moved. Don’t assume that they know their info – check in with them.

All About Me Poster  - Help your child fill in all of the boxes on the poster. Color it in and hang it up so that your child can practice it daily.

Help your child draw a picture of your house. Label the door with your house or apartment number. Draw a street in front of the house and label it.

Play a matching game by writing your child’s personal information facts on 2 sets of flashcards. Mix them up and put them face-down. Take turns trying to match the information.

Using real cell phones, and house phones if you have, have your child practice calling their trusted adults.

• Start teaching your children their personal information at a young age. Practice it often and reteach it if there is ever a change of address or phone numbers.
• Teach your children their full name, including a middle name.
• Check in with your older kids to confirm that they know their full address and have essential phone numbers memorized, including their own if they have a phone.
• Some personal information is private, and not meant to be shared. (For example, on the All About Me poster, the items in the rectangular boxes are private. The items in the circular shapes are not private.)
• While teaching personal information, explain to your children that they should only share personal information with people they know well and trust. (See: Teaching Kids to Keep Personal Information Private.)
• Teach children that they must check first with their grown-up if they are ever asked to share their personal information online.
• Teach your child how to use a number of different phones to make a phone call. Have them practice calling their trusted adults.

It is important for your child to remember details about the stranger that approaches them.  Sometimes, in very dangerous situations, the police may be involved. It is not enough just to report that a stranger spoke to your child. They may be asked for certain details about the person or what they were doing.  You can play this game in the car, while waiting at a red light or in a parking light or other busy public spaces.

1. Pick a stranger and have your child tell you what they are wearing, what color hair they have, young or old,  male or female etc.  (this helps your child to become accustomed to noticing details about their environment and people around them)
2. Ask: what will you do if that person comes over to you and tells you they have a special surprise for you if you come with them?
3. Explain that your child should move back, yell HELP and run away and report to you.
4. Repeat this activity often and make it fun.

• Teach your children that most strangers are good people.
• Remind your children that they are surrounded by strangers every day.
• Explain to your kids that a stranger is simply someone they do not know or do not know well.
• Practice remembering details about strangers that you come across all of the time. Make it a game.
• Remind your children that they must stay close to their grown-ups when you are out and about.
• If your child finds themselves in a situation where they are approached by a stranger remind them on what to do - move back, yell HELP and run and report to a grown up.
• The only stranger your child should talk to is IF they need help – they should approach another parent with children.
• Teach your children important phone numbers to remember in an emergency.
• Adults should not offer to help or ask a child for help. If they genuinely needed help they would ask another adult.
• Just because a you know someone’s name does not mean you know them well.

Your class is making thank you cards for the media specialist. You are going to give them to her on the last day of school. Is this a good secret or a bad secret?

(Good secret:  Everyone is happy, it has an ending.)

Your neighbor gives you a present but tells you not to tell anyone. Is this a good secret or a bad secret?

(Bad secret:  You are told not to tell. You think, “Why can’t I tell someone about a present?” That makes you feel confused. You need to tell a trusted adult.)

You and your big sister go shopping and buy your mom a Mother’s Day gift. You hide it under your bed until Mother’s Day. Is this a good secret or a bad secret?

(Good secret: Everyone is happy, you can share the secret on Mother’s Day.)

The babysitter told you that you can stay up an extra hour if you promise to never tell your parents that she invited a friend over. Is this a good secret or a bad secret?

(Bad secret: She doesn’t want you to ever tell. It makes you feel weird because you do want to stay up, but you know your parents would be upset if they knew the babysitter had someone over.)

• Tell your child that any secret that they feel afraid to tell is exactly the kind of secret they MUST tell to their trusted grown-up.
• A secret can be about words a child heard or something said to them, actions (such as touches or bullying), something they saw online or in person, or gifts. A secret is anything a child is holding inside and is a burden to them.
• Even secrets that seem embarrassing must be told. Stress to your child that you will not be angry with them for sharing a bad secret.
• Any touch that makes a child feel uncomfortable or confused is a bad secret.
• Predators rely on children not telling bad secrets. Reassure your children that it is OK to share bad secrets even if they are told not to or if they are threatened.

Good Secrets Bad Secrets Activity

1. What if…your friend wants to light a candle on his cupcake and pretend it’s his birthday?
   1. What is your inner voice telling you? (I’m not allowed to light candles. I could get hurt.)
   2. What clues is your body giving you? (I’m feeling nervous, my stomach has butterflies.)
   3. What would you do or say? (No, let’s just eat the cupcake.)

2. What if…your classmate wants you to take something out of the teacher’s desk?
   1. What is your inner voice telling you? (I’m not supposed to do that? I’ll get in trouble.)
   2. What clues is your body giving you? (I’m scared, my heart is pounding.)
   3. What would you do or say? (No, I don’t want to.)

3. What if…your friends tell you to do something you don’t want to do or you can’t be in their club?
   1. What is your inner voice telling you? (I’d like to be in the club, but this doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to do it. I’m confused.)
   2. What clues is your body giving you? (My hands sweat when I’m confused. My stomach is fluttering.)
   3. What would you do or say? (I’d like to be in your club, but I’m not going to do that.)

4. What if…your uncle always wants to take just you for a ride in his car. You’d prefer to stay at the house and play with your cousins?
   1. What is your inner voice telling you? (I’m uncomfortable going with him. Why does he ask me every time? I don’t want to hurt his feelings.)
   2. What clues is your body giving you? (My heart is beating fast. I’m feeling nervous.)
   3. What would you do or say? (No, thanks. I’m playing with my cousins now.)

• Encourage your children to use a strong, assertive, “I mean business” safety voice.
• When children are taught to listen to their inner safety voice, they can help keep themselves and their friends stay safe.
• If we force a child to give a hug to someone, we are sending the message that we have control over their body. Allow your child to make the decision of who they want to hug.
• By giving children permission to say NO, we are teaching them how to avoid uncomfortable and unsafe situations.
• Continue to discuss scenarios that arise in order to practice listening to their inner safety voice, using a strong, assertive voice, and making safe and smart choices.
• Explain to your children that they have permission to say NO to family members, friends, acquaintances and strangers if they feel uncomfortable, confused, threatened, scared, or unsafe.
• Remind them to always come to you to talk about different situations they said No in. This gives them the opportunity to process with their trusted adult and for you to have a window into your child’s world.

• Do Remain Calm
• Model calm breathing – helping an upset child (and parent) to self-regulate.
• Using your Poker Face, calmly ask your child to tell you more.
• Ask only open-ended questions.
• Reassure your child with helpful phrases such as:
  • I believe you.
  • I am glad you told me.
  • This is not your fault.
  • We will get through this together.

• Before you meet the potential babysitter, make a list of what you want your babysitter to know. It should include your “must dos” and “never dos.” You are looking for someone who is a good match for your values and beliefs.
• Consider your child’s age and any specific needs they might have. This will help you decide what age babysitter is appropriate and how much experience they will need to have.
• Decide what standards you want for discipline, medical knowledge, etc.
• Consider use of technology. Are you comfortable with the babysitter being on the phone while she/he is minding your children? Are you okay with your children being on the babysitter’s phone? If the children want to use TikTok and various other apps – what is okay and not okay. Be clear. Are you comfortable with your kids connecting via technology with the babysitter? (KidSafe does not recommend this.)
• Always keep your child’s safety and the prevention of abuse at the very top of your mind.
• You have every right to ask personal questions of someone who might be caring for your child. Keep it professional, it is a job interview, it will make things easier and create an atmosphere of respect.

• Consider your child’s age and maturity.
• Listen to them if they say they are afraid. Don’t force them to stay home alone if they aren’t ready.
• Take a few months to work through the above activities.
• Have fun teaching the 9 skills. Your child will get such a self-confidence boost as they learn these skills – but they do take time to learn.
• Know that by teaching your child actual skills to staying home alone, you are teaching them skills for a lifetime. These translate into resilient, problem solving young adults.